Rural mobile operator would likely carry a high price, which has two analysts split over whether Verizon Wireless will be the buyer.

As a fun little endcap to all the pro-Oscars, pro-creativity, yay! Hollywood nonsense, here’s a little look at the flipside of awards season. It’s the Golden Raspberry Awards; the only award that no one in Hollywood ever wants, but so many TOTALLY deserve. I figured turnabout is fair game, so here’s a little something I like to call:

Things Overheard on the Razzies Red Carpet…

Marlon Wayans: I suck!

Shawn Wayans: Double-down on the Wayans Brothers suckage!

Hilary and Haylie Duff: Ditto all of that, but replace Wayans Brothers with Duff Sisters.

Carmen Electra: I’m hot! …and sucky.

Kristanna Loken: You’re telling me!

M. Night Shyamalan: I make like I’m smart and creative, but there’s a twist! I secretly SUCK!

Danny DeVito: I’m tiny and I suck.

Martin Short: I’m short, but not tiny. Though I do also suck.

Lindsay Lohan: Not only do I suck, I suck HARD.

Rob Schneider: Do I even need to say it?

Tim Allen: I am a really bad actor. You might even call my work in Zoom suck-worthy.

The Jay: Ok then, it was suck-worthy.

Tim Allen: I walked right into that one.

The Jay: Yeah, well, I’m sure you’ll redeem yourself in Wild Hogs.

Tim Allen: Oh ye of little faith…

Nicolas Cage: What’s happening over here? A suckfest? Can I come? I’ll bring my Wicker Man!

Jessica Simpson: I suck too, ya’ll!

Kate Bosworth: I’m too hungry to suck.

Jenny McCarthy: Well as long as there’s sucking involved, count me in!

Uwe Boll: Me too!

Larry the Cable Guy: Total suckage right here!

Sharon Stone: Don’t worry everyone, for as we all know, I suck the most.

Sylvester Stallone: Here here!

Bangarang!

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Net phone company says it didn’t copy Verizon’s patents, but the telecommunications giant says harm has been done and its VoIP rival must pay.

InfoWorld - During the past two years, security experts and software vendors have downplayed the threat of so-called worm viruses, but new evidence suggests that the attacks are still as dangerous, if not more so, than ever.

InfoWorld - The newest version of Parallels Desktop for Mac — the software that enables Intel-based Macs to run Windows without having to reboot first — will be released on Tuesday. The software has undergone an extensive public beta test for the past couple of months. A free upgrade for registered users, Parallels Desktop for Mac costs $79.99.

AP - iSkoot Inc., a provider of software that enable Skype and other Internet calling platforms to run on cell phones, has raised $7 million in venture capital funding from a group of investors led by Charles River Ventures.

InfoWorld - Everyone knows Salesforce.com as the company that pioneered SaaS (software as a service) and survived the dot-com bust when many other ASPs didn't. Now, Chairman and CEO Marc Benioff says the company is ready to take on Microsoft as a leading development platform provider, a strategy he unveiled as "Salesforce.com 2.0" in New York on Tuesday.

AP - McAfee Inc.’s former top lawyer was charged Tuesday with stock options tampering that muddied the finances of the computer security software maker.

The up-and-coming virtualization specialist says Microsoft is using its Windows clout to restrict customers choice. Sound familiar?

Some 25,000 Merrill Lynch employees are now using the Wealth Management Edition as part of a test-run partnership.

Longtime veteran Bill Veghte will head a new Windows Business Group, overseeing marketing and product management for the OS.

Reuters - The success of Google opened
Microsoft’s eyes to the riches available in Web advertising,
the chief technologist for the world’s largest software maker
said on Tuesday.

A majority of Silicon.com’s jury of UK CIOs was very intrigued by the cost of Google Apps and may add the software to their corporate IT infrastucture.

PC World - Open-source database vendor MySQL AB and business intelligence (BI) software provider JasperSoft Corp. Tuesday announced a joint reselling agreement.

InfoWorld - OpenMake Software plans next week to offer process automation software free for software development teams.

PC World - Hewlett-Packard Co. is acquiring a storage software company that the company says will give it important leverage in the enterprise-class network-attached storage (NAS) market.

InfoWorld - Open-source database vendor MySQL and business intelligence (BI) software provider JasperSoft on Tuesday announced a joint reselling agreement.

PC World - Claiming Bloomberg and the Bloomberg Terminal lock customers in with a proprietary workstation and software accessed on an archaic keyboard, and that Bloomberg offers a deep but very narrow selection of financial feeds, Salesforce.com will announce on Tuesday a competitive Wealth Management Edition of its SaaS (Software as a Service) application for use by wealth management professionals.

Parallels Desktop now comes with USB 2.0 support and the ability to run Windows applications natively on the Mac operating system.

Possible deal comes a year after Microsoft’s MSN was close to buying the same company, according to published reports.

InfoWorld - Claiming Bloomberg and the Bloomberg Terminal  lock customers in with a proprietary workstation and software accessed on an archaic keyboard, and that Bloomberg offers a deep but very narrow selection of financial feeds, Salesforce.com will announce on Tuesday a competitive Wealth Management Edition  of its SaaS (Software as a Service) application for use by wealth management professionals.

PC World - Corel Corp. released a free public beta of WordPerfect Lightning on Tuesday, a word processor that blends a desktop-based application with online collaboration and storage features.

PC Magazine - Intuit has made a version of its TurboTax tax-preparation software free to use online for a limited time.

InfoWorld - Corel released a free public beta of WordPerfect Lightning on Tuesday, a word processor that blends a desktop-based application with online collaboration and storage features.

Reuters - Microsoft Corp.’s MSN unit is treating
its greater China market as a geographically separate region,
industry sources said on Tuesday, in a nod to China’s
increasing importance to the software giant.

PC World - A tiny provider of open-source e-mail exchange software is using a disruptive pricing model to compete against Microsoft Corp. and other large providers of proprietary e-mail service technology.

InfoWorld - Hewlett-Packard Co. is acquiring a storage software company that the company says will give it important leverage in the enterprise-class network-attached storage (NAS) market.

TechWeb - The partnership is the latest jab designed at replacing Microsoft Windows, which is widely used on desktops found in hospitals and doctors’ offices.

I really need to be hired as an official Oscar prognosticator by some reputable news source. I went eight for eight in the big races, and also nailed Best Documentary, Editing, Animated Feature, Cinematography, and Makeup. I’m especially proud of picking the Alan Arkin upset. My only real lapses were Foreign Film (I was banking on a Pan’s Labryinth sweep of the minor categories), and underestimating the tremendous Dreamgirls backlash. Somebody powerful really hates Bill Condon (but likes Jennifer Hudson).

Check any of the other eight million entertainment websites for a detailed recap of everything Oscar, because you’re not getting one here. I wasn’t overly impressed by the show, as I suspected I wouldn’t be, and don’t really want to spend any more time dissecting just how unnecessary the Michael Mann America montage was, or just how lame and unfunny the “Ellen giving Martin Scorsese” a script bit was. Instead, I’m giving you what I always give you. A look at what was on the minds of the celebrities as the walked the red carpet for the biggest night in Hollywood. It’s a little something I like to call…

Things Overheard on the Oscars Red Carpet…

Nicole Kidman: I should never have made out with Charlize Theron’s dress last year. I knew I was gonna catch something.

Jessica Biel: I can’t wait for the day when I’m nominated for Best Actor, um, I mean Best Actress. Dammit! Why do I keep doing that? I really need to lay off the bench press.

George Lucas: Wait, did I ever have a chin? I don’t think so. Maybe I can digitally insert one in post?

Beyonce: I knew I should have had Dakota Fanning kill Jennifer. I don’t know what it would have cost, but it would have been worth it.

Ryan Gosling: This is all so beneath me. I’m going home to Rachel McAdams, like I care if the dude from Battlefield: Earth beats me?

Elisabeth Shue: Wait, why am I here? Am I being belatedly honored for my work in Hide & Seek?

Kate Winslet: Well, this is gonna be an uneventful night for me. Again. Good thing I brought my iPod. (singing to herself) My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps…

Jackie Earl Haley: Danny Bonaduce WISHES he looked as good as me.

Forrest Whitaker: This all just goes to show that the key to success in this business is starting your career in Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Maybe if Peter O’Toole had played Tong Po in Kickboxer he’d have won one by now.

Meryl Streep: I love that everyone points out all my nominations but doesn’t mention the fact that I haven’t actually won one since 1983.

Ben Affleck: So I gained all the weight and did the respectable actor part everyone told me I needed to do to earn respect and salvage my career and not only didn’t I get nominated but I STILL get crap for Gigli? Fuck this noise! I’m going home to bang my duck-beaked wife and greenlight Surviving Christmas 2: Attack of the Hanukkah.

Jodie Foster: Wait a second, why does everyone look so pretty and heterosexual? I thought the theme was “Gay Chic”? I wore my Tuesday clothes! So embarrassing…

Jack Nicholson: My head looks like a Trader Joes AA-size egg and I’m still getting the best tang tonight! Who wants to bet me I can nail Helen Mirren without taking my pants off?

Reese Witherspoon: And the “Eat It, Ryan Phillippe! I Look HOT!” Tour keeps rolling on.

The Jay: As does the “Shut UP, Squirrel Chin!” Tour. See you in Woodstock!

Peter O’Toole: Where am I? Who are all you people? Wot’s all dis, then? Are we shooting King Ralph 2? … I am old.

Sherry Lansing: Now, I, Skeletor Sherry, am Master of the Universe! Kneel before your master, Tom Cruise! KNEEL BEFORE ME!!!

Tom Cruise: I will never kneel to you! By the Power of L. Ron, I have the power!

Will Smith: Just keep smiling and laughing and no one will see your pain. It’s ok Will, one day we’ll convince them. One day. Oh HA HA HA! That’s a funny joke, Mr. Scorsese. … love me.

Gwyneth Paltrow: As long I keep putting the attention on the girls, no one will remember that I’ve been a vapid suck whole of talent for the last eight years. Yes, that’s it people, stare at my ugly boobs. STARE!

Samuel L. Jackson: Muthafuckin’ Academy not nominated me for Snakes on a Muthafuckin’ Plane! Shiiiitt. We’ll see how they like it when I toss around a half-naked white woman. Fucking Christina Ricci gets you places in this town, just look at Charlize Theron. … muthafucka!

Helen Mirren: I am a right hot bitch. Who wants to bet me I can nail George Clooney during my acceptance speech and still look classy?

Martin Scorsese: Oy! I got schpielkis in my genectikizoid! Look at Clint over there, looking all smug. I hate him. I HATE HIM! I swear to God, if he beats me again I’m dialing Dakota during the commercial break.

Cameron Diaz: I really can’t be mad at Justin. I mean look at me. Even I know I’m a wreck. Jessica Biel, even with her manly arms and overwhelming aura of butch dykeyness, is still hotter than me. Hell, he’d probably bang bald Britney again before me. I must stop letting myself look like the bad end of a three day coke bender. If Robert Downey Jr. can do it, so can I!

Eddie Murphy: No matter what, at least I look better in a fat suit than Martin Lawrence.

Abigail Breslin: OMG! Was that Dakota? Is she here? Oh no! Oh no! Steven Spielberg’s coming up to me. What if she’s reprogrammed him to be her own personal ninja assassin? I’m young and ever so adorable. I don’t want to die.

Dakota Fanning: Don’t fuck with the Fanning.

Steven Spielberg: Just do what she says and everything will be just fine. … I hope.

Bangarang!

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TechWeb - The software allows for interaction between Internet-based services and the standard Public Switched Telephone Network.